I love mornings when the universe sends me messages on Facebook. You know, those days where you see several posts in a row all with a similarly themed message. Usually, those messages relate to coffee, lol. This morning, those messages were about change and what it takes to transform.
The first was this inspiring article in Runner’s World (a friend shared it in my running group). Man. I just want to fly to Australia and kiss this woman. She has figured out what matters to her, and she is making the hard choice every day to do what she needs to do. And it is hard. I think, though, that she has a very clear picture of what her happiness looks like. It’s not the weight loss; it’s the freedom to be the mother, wife and friend she wants to be. Inspiring.
I finished that article with a little song in my heart and smile on my fact, and popped over to my news feed. There, I immediately saw this quote:
Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.
~ Arthur Burt
Yep. The woman in the article knows that.
How much pain it takes is an individual question. I see a lot of people in my daily life that live with much more than I can tolerate. In the past, I could tolerate a lot. I think back to high school and college—I was hurting all the time. But I was more afraid of what waited on the other side of the pain than living in misery. Thank God I’m older now. Now, the more I work on living my happiest life possible, the less pain I can handle. It’s kind of amazing.
So where am I going with this? I think when the universe sends a message, it is wise to listen. Right now, I need to meditate on what needs to change in my life.
Here is one thing I know to be true: happiness isn’t a one-and-done deal. You evolve. Your life evolves. That means your happiness evolves. Living a happy life means staying in tune with what you need and want on a daily basis, and make sure your actions align with that. I feel a little out of alignment right now, and have been avoiding the change. I have been using my post-shoulder surgery physical recovery as my excuse. But I’m six weeks out of surgery and my recovery is going great. I still have months of work, but I’m beyond using it as an excuse to stay stuck. I don’t have my answers yet, but I will because I feel inspired this morning.
If you feel stuck, I can help. I’m putting together a great group program. Sign up for my newsletter to receive updates!
Before you read another word of this post, I want you to stop and think of one annoying little thing you have been enduring. Got it? Now imagine how free you would feel if that annoyance was gone. Can you feel the lightness? Ok, maybe go deal with it and then come back here. I’ll wait…
About 12 years ago, I came across a book that changed my life. I found it at the library while I was looking for… actually, I have no idea what I was looking for. I think some sort of time management book. Anyway, I found “Coach Yourself to Success” by Talane Miedaner.
At the time, I had no idea what a life coach was. But I grabbed the book anyway. Six months later, I had accomplished too many things to count. From that moment on, I knew coaching was great. In fact, not long after I read this book, I decided to work with a coach directly. Over the course of the two years she guided me, I wrote a novel and addressed many of the “adult” things I consistently avoided.
What does that have to do with my question? Well, the first thing Talane has her readers do is make a list of 60 to 100 things in your life you are enduring, and then fix them. It’s genius really. That feeling of annoyance drains your energy and steals your joy. It doesn’t matter whether the thing is big or small; it still drains you. And when you are constantly drained, it is nearly impossible to not only figure out what will make you happy, but to go for it.
I still remember some of the things on my first list: paint the living room (big) and sew the button on my favorite pants (only one year after it popped off!).
Last week, my husband and I started on a new list. One of the things was to clean the refrigerator — a task I hate. But something leaked in there long enough ago that I’m embarrassed to admit it, and it has been grossing me out every time I open the door. This morning, I did it! I got rid of the grossness. It only took 20 minutes, and I am so happy. I just want to stare inside the fridge.
Another thing was removing a paper string from a hook on the wall that holds an old violin. I have no idea how it got there, or even why it would be there. I do know I looked at that for MORE THAN A YEAR. No joke. And it took me less than 10 seconds to deal with it. Don’t be like me.
So start making your list and checking things off! Not everything can be dealt with in 10 seconds or 20 minutes, but you will be surprised at what can be. Once you have your list, carve out an evening or a whole day to just take care of the list. You will feel amazingly light after. If you feel up to it, share some of the annoyances you no longer need to endure. I’m going to go look in my fridge again.
As I sit here on my couch working on a module for a coaching program I’m taking, I’ve been thinking of why coaching is so important. The short answer is: The decision to work with a coach is really a decision to invest in yourself. It’s a decision to take your own needs seriously, at the same time as acknowledging you can’t do everything alone. A coach is a sherpa, and sherpas keep you safe on on track.
Over the years, I have worked with several coaches. I’ve read coaching books that helped me get my life in order. I’ve done coaching programs that helped grow my business. And I’ve worked with two life coaches one-on-one. The first time, the coach helped me identify some HUGE mindset blocks from my childhood. These blocks were preventing me from fully investing in any relationships (friends, family and romantic), and in having a healthy romantic relationship. This was not why I started working with her. At the time, I wanted to write a novel. As she coached me through that, this other stuff came up. And she helped me address it (supporting me to get some other help I needed and being there for me). I finished the book and met my husband. I consider that a good investment in myself!
I think depending on who you are and what you want, there are different levels and types of coaching that will help you. But I think some sort of coaching is critical. Support matters. Maybe a book will give it to you. Maybe an online class. Or maybe it is one-on-one work with a person you trust.
The good news is there are tons of options for you! I am one of probably hundreds of coaches here in the DC area alone. We’re all a little bit different in our approach, and that is good news for you! That means you can find a person who is the absolute right fit at the right time. (If you’re curious whether I’m a good fit, schedule a discovery call...it’s free!)
I mentioned I’m dong a program. I am investing in this coaching business. I want to help at least 500 women every year, but I can only work one-on-one with about 50. That means I need support. I found a coach that can get me to that number. I’m pretty darn excited.
What do you need help with right now?